Oda do Życia

I have been in Kielce for three months and one week. That's roughly 97 days.

Considering that the longest I had ever been away from home before this advenutre started was ten days, in some ways starting my fourth month makes it feel like I have been in Poland for an eternity.

The three month mark was a huge milestone. It means that I am about 1/3 done with my exchange. It means that I have faced and started to overcome some of the hardest parts of exchange - the loneliness, homesickness, culture-shock. It means that I have had three months of experiences that I could never have imagined before I arrived.

The past three months have been some of the most amazing in my life. Not amazing because it has all been wonderful, but amazing because between all the highs and lows I have started to build a life. Before I left for Poland, I doubt that I would have said creating a life would be why exchange is amazing, but that is the exact reason. When I arrived in Poland on August 14th, 2010 I shed my life as I knew it and started over from scratch. I've had to learn how to navigate a new city, a new language, a new family, a new school and new feelings. And despite all the incredible support I've recieved, I've done this on my own. I'm creating my life. I am becoming Marieee.

Really, it's just strange for me to think sometimes about how I thought I was so prepared for this year - I mean prepared for the homesickness, loneliness, etc. because now that I'm here I've found that I had no idea what to expect. It's all so much harder and so much different than anything I could probably have imagined. It's not as romantic and a year seems like a much longer time now that I'm here. However, then there are moments when I realize how totally lucky I am to have an experience like this. For example, when I stayed with a two random host families while traveling, people willing to open up their homes to a stranger or after learning that one of the other exchangers in Kielce would be going home early and I thought about how much I was already looking forward too and how I would regret if I left early, though it's tempting at times.

So that's where I am now. I'm learning, crying and laughing, creating connections, eating new foods, speaking a different language, missing what I've left behind, but celebrating what's to come. I'm living.

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
~Rob Thomas~