Koniec

I only have one day left here in Poland and I can't really bring myself to believe that this year is truly coming to an end. I've never understood endings, never understood the intangiblity of a moment when everything changes. I'm almost packed, with piles of assorted items scattered around my room, but even these don't seem to triger a full response.

As I walked around Kielce today, I tried to take pictures that would help me explain what it is like living here. But I quickly realized that it's an impossible task. Pictures offer a snapshot into a moment, a glimpse at truth, but there is no way for me to describe the energy of the bazaar, the heat that sinks into my back as I walk through town, the taste of Polish bread or the flow of the Polish language. Pictures can't capture the conversations I have, the people I know, the fullness of the life I lead here.

But pictures can help me remember what an incredible year I've had. They inhance my memories, the stories I can't wait to share and for that reason I keep taking them.

I remember before I left for Poland how full of emotion I was. I was full of questions, of anticipation, of sadness, of excitement. I thought those feelings had disappered as this year went on, but now I find myself filled with the same. This is a bittersweet time for me. More than anything this year has made me realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have amazing family and friends, to be from Minnesota and to have had all the opportunities life has given me. And so when people here ask me if I am excited to go back to Minnesota, I answered truthfully and say, yes. I'm ready to go back. But, I always add, I will miss my Polish life. I will miss my family, my friends, my routine. I've created here a life that I'm proud of, that is just as important to me as my life in Minnesota. This year hasn't been a vacation, it's been filled with ups and downs, with sadness and loneliness, but absolutely packed with unexplainable happiness and growth.

I'm not sure what I'm waiting for, when that moment of full realization that I'm leaving will hit, but I know when it happens I'll cry. I'll cry because this year means more to me than I can possibly imagine right now, cry because it'll release the tension that comes with having to move on, cry because I'm going to miss so many people and aspects of Poland, but mostly, I'll cry because it's one of the truest expressions of joy and thankfullness I have.

Before I left, I wrote a short blog entry that makes just as much sense now as it did then - and so I'll post it here, as a rememberence that all beginnings have an end, but that all ends are also a beginning -

Still, today was bittersweet, full of tears and laughter, but tonight I know I'm ready. I'm ready to cross the airport threshold, wave goodbye and start my adventure. I'm ready to fly ~